I have never been this big this long. Whats sad is I KNOW how to lose weight. I KNOW.
I'm not going to say "Oh I dont know why!" Its not a fucking mystery. I eat a shit ton and do no activities. Then I get depressed, then I eat more, and watch more battlestar galactica.
I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me lately. EVERYTHING IS GOING RIGHT. I dont like my job but thats about it. Ive got a amazing boy, moving in to a new house, not incredibly broke, and yet I have no motivation to do a fucking thing. I feel like I dont have enough time in the day during the week but the weekends, I mostly just lay around and do nothing. I know I can change myself and my habits but then Im so bummed out about the here and now I do nothing.
Im in a shit cycle and I cant see the light. I almost wish stuff was shitty. Its like I have nothing to focus on.
Its so new to not hate my life so I have to create a situation to which I am unhappy! Its the most frustrating thing I think ive ever dealt with. I feel like I cannot let myself be happy. Theres GOT to be something wrong. Its almost like im trying to push Justin away, but in a completely new and self destructive way.
I need heeellllp. :(
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